Connected by Conversation by mikecogh

With all the travel that I’ve done for the past few years, I’ve learned how to pay attention to the people around me – how they talk,  act and even how they carry themselves. I’ve watched people talk to their kids, negotiate a seat on a plane, ask for favors, etc. I’ve learned a lot about people just by observing and watching them go about their life. One thing that caught my attention during my recent trip was how people like to engage in a conversation. I was on a flight from Charlotte to New York City getting ready to tighten my seat belt as I heard the flight attendant talk to one of the passengers aboard the plane (I was just a few feet away to hear their conversation.) The passenger happens to be another flight attendant who is on his way to Europe for a vacation. What’s very interesting is that their conversation evolved from the trip itinerary to the strategic approach that the airline can undertake to improve customer service and satisfaction. In a previous blog post, I’ve highlighted how merchandise staff who didn’t even go to college talked about strategic positioning of products for increased sales. This is the kind of information that leaders value. But why isn’t this kind of information making it’s way into the boardrooms? Let me tell you why. It’s because upper management have not taken that extra step of engaging their staff in conversations. Do you remember one of those conversations you’ve had with your close friends where you kept talking yet they weren’t paying any attention? I bet you stopped talking when you noticed (or maybe tried to do something to get their attention back.)

Leadership expert Dr.  John Maxwell said this in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Engaging people in conversations means more than just extracting information from individuals. It means paying attention to what matters to them. Even the small details matter. Sometimes, even as simple as listening could mean a lot. When we know that what we say matter to the listener, we’re more inclined to be open and speak more.

Leaders and managers have resorted to memos and emails to communicate their message to the organization. Unfortunately, this approach has created barriers in communication. As leaders, it is our responsibility to take that first step. Get out of your office, walk among the crowd and engage your staff in a conversation. Who knows, your next big product or service idea might come from the janitor.

Every time we have an opportunity to go back to our home country, the Philippines, I try to give back as much as I can.  We also try to schedule our travel around the Christmas and New Year season because it’s like a pilgrimage for every Filipino living overseas. It’s the season of getting together as a family and, most important of all, GIVING. Our alumni association based in Singapore – the University of the Philippines Alumni Association (Singapore) – has an annual community program called Pamaskong Pambata. Thru the program, the group partners with a local non-profit organizations that focus on the welfare of children and it becomes the beneficiary for the year. I take this opportunity to teach my kids about the value of community work while at the same time opening their eyes to the living conditions of our less fortunate countrymen. In 2007, my youngest son and I joined the community program as they partnered with an orphanage. As a 3-year-old, my son had the opportunity to distribute food and gifts to kids much older than him. One thing he remembered vividly was putting on a Santa hat as he started giving gifts. He still remembers how each recipient had immediately put on a smile as they received the gift he was giving.

This time around, I took my eldest son with me on this trip. I was informed that the location for this year’s community work was in Payatas in Quezon City. Payatas happens to be the main area for garbage disposal in Manila. Most of the people here make their living by collecting and selling recyclable garbage from the dump.

It’s easy to teach kids (and adults) lessons on gratitude and the importance of properly managing one’s resources. We can talk about it in the dinner table or even in the board room when we want to emphasize operational efficiency in the company. Internal memos, emails and parental nagging may end up being ignored and not get the results we want. But to really drive the message across, we need to create an environment for learning. And not just learning thru theory and concepts but something that they will always remember. Here are few ideas that you can use to achieve the results you want:

1. Put it in their calendar. As early as November, I’ve already made arrangements to join the community outreach program. There were slight changes in the date but I made sure I update my calendar. I told my son about the schedule so that he can make the necessary preparations. Creating an environment for learning requires telling the people involved that it has to be on their schedule as well. 
2. Engage their emotions. Theoretical and conceptual learning only lasts for a while. Emotional learning creates an impact. I bet you remembered a very important lesson that your parents or friends told you because of the experience associated with it. As we were heading to the meeting place, I kept showing my son the difference between our house and the ones he’s seeing along the way. He did see several kids playing near the dumps, most of them don’t even have anything to protect their feet. It’s priceless to see the look on someone else’s eyes (both kids and adults alike) as they see other people searching thru the garbage to find food that they immediately take in. That experience immediately teaches them the deeper meaning of gratitude.
3. Tap in to their passion. My kids have different personalities. While my youngest son would enjoy engaging with people, my eldest is a bit timid. I thought about how he can make the most out of this trip. Then, I realized that he likes taking photos and videos. I told him to charge up his iPod and be ready to snap photos. I also let him take charge of my DSLR camera. Since I already taught him the basics of digital photography (I’m still learning myself), I was confident that he’d do a great job. And he did. As I was distributing food to the kids, he was taking as much photos as he can. It was easier for me to engage him in the moment because he was having fun with what he was doing.
4. Re-tell the experience. The day with my son ended up with a trip to my alma mater. As we were enjoying a great snack, I asked him about the experience. I also told him some of those “remember when…” stories: “Remember when we couldn’t even buy you an ice cream cone?” We’ve told him this story several times but this time was different. Because now he has seen kids that are younger than him who can’t even afford to go to school, who need to scour the dumps in order to have something to eat and who think having an ice cream cone is a luxury. The lessons and stories we used to tell him now made  more sense because of his personal experience.

Whether you’re teaching a lesson to a kid or an adult, it is important to make sure that the lessons do stick. Because it’s not just about teaching them lessons, it’s about creating memorable experiences.

Question: What is that one lesson that stuck with you? Did it come with a memorable experience? 

Several weeks after the project went live, I was having a conversation with the project manager about the way we manage our relationships and dialogues we have with the people that matter to us. She mentioned the fact that even after celebrating her birthday just a few days ago, most of the greetings that she received were all in digital format – text messages, emails, Facebook messages, etc. The conversation concluded with the fact that greeting cards have now joined the ranks of dinosaurs and the Dodo bird on being extinct. I have to admit that while I like sending hand-written notes and letters to people, I save the reader the agony of reading my hand writing. I still remember the gruelling writing exercises that I had to go thru in grade school just to improve my hand writing – write, scribble, erase, write, and so the cycle goes. And while most people say that practice makes perfect, I just couldn’t get my hand writing right. I can’t even read my own hand writing sometimes that I always resort to typing my notes after meetings so I could legibly read and recall the ideas I wrote.

A few weeks ago, I sent the project manager and one of the application testers books that I think would be valuable to them.  Dr. John Maxwell’s book  – Everyone Communicates Few Connect  – was the latest book that I have read from the author and decided to send a copy to the project manager. For the application tester,  sent a copy of the SharePoint 2010 branding book because I believe that the book would be very helpful in her day-to-day job. Included with the book was a hand-written note thanking them for their contribution to the success of the project and described how the book would help them improve their productivity at work. I think I’ve scribbled on a few sheets of paper before finally tucking one inside the envelope and headed over the post office. I was more concerned about the recipients having a hard time reading my handwriting than the impact that it would have in their lives.

In today’s digital age where social media has taken over our modes communication, it’s so easy to take for granted the value of  inter-personal relationship. It still amazes me how people in the workplace would send an email response to a colleague that’s a few cubicles away rather than take a few steps and have a face-to-face conversation. Oh, those lovely email threads spanning multiple responses when it could have been made even clear with a phone call. Social media and the digital age only thrives because they leverage on the most important ingredient in the marketplace : PEOPLE. We humans desire to feel special and important. We love receiving feedback for the work that we do and long to be connected with the people that matter to us. That’s why people flock to Facebook and Twitter. We want to join conversations, share our uniqueness and simply feel validated. And that’s why I feel that the pen-and-paper approach of connecting with people will never go out of style.

After coming back from the PASS Community Summit in Seattle, I received a hand-written card from the project manager thanking me for the wonderful gift. She was also a big fan of Dr. John Maxwell and his books. But what really struck me was how she related the story of the application tester who received the other book. The gift came at a time when she felt really discouraged and was starting to believe that her work in the company didn’t matter. The book and the hand-written note from me made an impact in her life: it validated her value. It didn’t just make her day, it literally ignited her to become excited again with the work that she does. Most importantly, I’ve gained another level of appreciation for the hand-written letters that I send out, knowing that they do have an impact on the lives of the recipients. I’ll still make sure that they’re legible before I send them out.

Question: Have you been encouraged recently by a hand-written note? When was the last time you sent out one? You can leave a comment below.

This is a response to Michael Hyatt’s (blog | Twitter) and John Maxwell’s (blog | Twitter) blog post on reaching our fullest potential.

In 2003, I have had the privilege of attending Dr. John C. Maxwell’s conference in Manila, Philippines because I was part of the event hosts’ production staff (being a volunteer sound engineer for an event has its benefits.) While listening to him teach, I realized that I have been practicing the lessons that he was teaching, albeit in an unstructured way. Since then, I’ve read his books, listened to his teachings on audio and continuously learned from him. And I’m a big fan of continuous professional and personal development.

Throughout the years I have developed a personal growth plan that focused more on the mental and spiritual aspects of life. Having been raised in a Christian family, the focus was more on developing and growing the spiritual aspect. And since I love reading books, the natural inclination for me was to grow the mental aspect as well. But in order to reach our full potential, it is important to have a well-rounded, balanced personal growth plan that addresses the four major aspects of life, something that I took from Dr. Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Throughout the years, my personal growth plan has evolved to cover all four:

1. Physical. I’m not a physically active person and am not into sports. When I was a kid, I suffered from a lung infection that prevented me from getting into sports. As I grew up, I became workaholic and very self-driven. This accounts for countless sleepless nights and skipping meals. This went on until I realized that the only one responsible for my physical well-being is myself. A few years ago, I started adding the physical aspect in my personal growth plan which included the following:
   • Exercise. I didn’t go into a gym and enrolled in a physical fitness program. Instead, I became intentional about what I do everyday. I took the public transport to and from work so that I get forced to walk several blocks away from our house to get to the bus stop. If the weather permits, I take bike rides and long walks while listening to audio books. I help my wife clean the house and do manual labor to get my body moving. And as somebody who works with computers everyday, I make it a point to avoid prolonged sitting.
   • Rest. Didn’t I say I’m a workaholic? What I did was to start implementing timeouts. I forced myself to quit working during  weekends and specific times of the day. I sleep an average of 7 hours a day and intentionally disconnecting on a regular basis – no phones, computers, tablets, Internet, and anything that has to do with my work. I practice the Sabbath by avoiding activities that are directly related to work.
   • Balanced meals. I stopped skipping meals and eating in front of the computer during lunch breaks. I’m blessed with a wonderful wife that’s awesome at cooking at baking and so I avoid fast food as much as I can. My special meal requests include vegetables and fruits that kids won’t even think of eating (bitter melon happens to be my favourite). Recently, I’ve reduced my consumption of white rice, something that I’ve struggled with throughout the years because it is what I’ve considered my staple food.

   Adding the physical aspect in my personal growth plan has helped me become more aware of my physical well-being. I constantly remind myself that the small investments that I make in myself is more than enough to avoid the medical bills in the future.

2. Social/Emotional. I’m an introvert and have struggled with interacting with people as I was growing up. I think that’s one of the main reasons that I love reading books and playing the piano – both activities don’t require human interaction. As I took stock of my gifts and talents and, realizing that I was a teacher, I made a conscious choice to develop the social aspect in my life. I also realized that my productivity and performance is directly affected by the health of my social and emotional life. Here are key areas that I work on to develop these areas.
   • Family and Friends. I make it a point to express myself to my family daily – affirming my love for my wife and kids, teaching and modelling valuable lessons, and enjoying quality time together. I reach out to old and current friends and acquaintances by sending personal emails and giving them a call. I even use social media to connect with family and friends and engage in meaningful dialogues.
   • Communication. I constantly try to improve my communication skills because I believe that part of leadership development is the ability to communicate effectively. Whether you’re sharing your ideas, leading a team or engaging a family member, effective communication is key to making an impact.
   • Community. My active involvement in the Microsoft technical communities has given me an opportunity to give. I try to find ways to help others in ways that I can – whether by teaching somebody how to learn a new skill or volunteering to clean up a new apartment where my friends would be moving in. We’re wired to be a part of a community so it makes sense for us to make it a better place.
3. Mental. As I said, this comes naturally for me. In fact, I would trade a new gadget with a book anytime. I remember saving my meal allowance in high school to buy my very first Chicken Soup for the Soul book. My office is filled with books that I read on a regular basis and use as a reference for my presentations. I’ve broken down the list of categories that I constantly read about in different formats – books, blog posts, articles, videos, Twitter and Facebook posts.
   • Spiritual. Bible, inspirational, self-help and personal development.
   • Leadership and business. Timeless principles and new trends that shape today’s leadership landscape (that’s why I’m a big fan of Michael Hyatt and John Maxwell.) These days, I’ve been reading a lot about marketing and how the Bible can be the greatest marketing handbook of all time.
   • Computers. It’s my bread-and-butter so I need to constantly keep up with the technologies and how to solve business challenges using technologies.
4. Spiritual. We are spiritual beings and we need to take care of our spiritual life the same way we take care of our bodies. I’ve seen great leaders whose achievements have been influenced by their spiritual beliefs. In fact, a Wall Street Journal article has been published about financial advisors talking to clients about their religious beliefs. Taking care of my spiritual life has been a priority for me, having been raised in a Christian family. Here are some of the things that I have in my personal growth plan.
   • Bible reading. The greatest book that was ever written and has a solution for every challenge that we face in life. It’s not just for hearing a great story about a child defeating a giant but also for creating a strategic marketing and sales plan for your organization. I have the YouVerse application on my iPad and iPhone and downloaded reading plans that I go thru every morning.
   • Prayer. It’s my way of being connected with God. Sometimes it’s formal, often times it isn’t. A quick way of saying thank you or asking for guidance throughout the day is my personal preference because it keeps me aware of the fact that He is always with me.

A personal growth plan has helped me get to where I am right now and has kept me on track when I felt like going astray. Mine has evolved thru the years as my values have been clearly defined.

How does your personal growth plan look like? I’d like to hear from you.

1. Communicate appropriately. Kids, and employees, have different levels of maturity and understanding. We need to know where they are at and communicate according to their level, whether it’s sharing a vision, a plan or changes that may affect them. Use the appropriate words, analogies and stories.
2. Discipline like a father but nurture like a mother. We need both discipline and encouragement. Most managers practice the concept of “seagull management” (I blogged about this here) where they only drop in on their employees when something goes wrong but are nowhere to be found when things are OK or the employee has made an achievement. Mothers are very good at encouragement and nurturing. They notice the smallest things – from the nice color combination on their daughter’s drawing to the bike-riding skills of their son learning without training wheels. Employees need constant recognition, affirmation and nurturing like we all do.
3. Serve with love. Managers and leaders, especially men, feel that serving undermines their authority and shows a sign of wekness. Same is true when the husband helps the wife with doing the dishes or cleaning the house. They feel that since they are the bread winner in the family, household chores and taking care of the kids are the wife’s responsibility. Christ demonstrated servant leadership with his disciples when he washed their feet. Find an opportunity to serve your staff.
4. Delegate. One of my popular Twitter pots, “Only do what only you can do.Delegate the rest.” When kids, and employees, are capable enough to handle responsibilities, delegate.

If you’re a leader or a manager, you may have your own version of leadership lessons from home. I’d like to hear about yours by posting a comment here.

One thing managers are really good at is bragging about their accomplishments. There’s nothing wrong with that so long as you do not take credit for what is not yours. But what they need to do more often is brag about their staff and make sure they do it real good. I had an opportunity to do just that last week where our project director asked me if I can deal with an immediate project. I know its not my field of expertise but I know somebody from my peers who’s really good at it. I started talking to my director about the guy and made sure he gets to do the job. I acted as the coordinator/project manager for this until the issue has been resolved. I requested for a comprehensive report of what the guy did to fix the issue and formatted it very well to make sure my director would perceive of it as a highly critical project. After submitting the report, I made it a point that he gets compensated for what he did. To make the long story short, the guy got compensated for what he did because I pushed so hard for it. But my job didn’t stop at the point where he got the payment. I’ve crafted a very nice email thanking the customer for their confidence in our team and that we under my director’s leadership are committed to excellent customer service and are always ready to be of help. I asked the guy to send that email to the customer and copied our director. That guy became a somebody from a nobody in a span of a week and the management realized his value in the organization.

As managers, we get much of the limelight especially when our team did really good on a project or two. It wouldn’t hurt if we let our staff take the spotlight once in a while and make sure they shine within the organization. They will feel good about themselves, about you as their manager and the organization for recognizing their potential. So, for the weeks to come, find something about your staff that you can brag about and make sure they feel it. They’ll love you for doing it