Photo courtesy of ABC 7 News NYC

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been fascinated with stories of people who took the unconventional path to success.

I study their thought process, their habits, and their strategies to figure out why they did what they did.

Maybe because I knew I was at a disadvantage. Coming from a third-world country. Being a minority in North America. Growing up as a sick kid. Failing 17 courses in my undergraduate degree. Failing 2 startups.

Or maybe because I’m very competitive.

Whatever the reason, finding an unconventional path towards achieving my goals has helped me throughout my personal life and career.

I started my New Year reading about Darius Bazley, an NBA player that chartered a completely different path to playing professional basketball.

The conventional path for most NBA players was to play for a year in college. He already signed up to play for Syracuse University but eventually decided to give up college. He took a year off from organized basketball to work on his game individually and work as an intern for New Balance.

A year later, he signed up as a rookie with the Oklahoma City Thunders and eventually played for the Phoenix Suns.

While I’m not a sports guy and by no means have any expertise to comment on his playing abilities, I can easily identify patterns that lead to success. Because these are the same patterns that I see in people who have achieved similar levels of success in other fields.

Let’s take a look at what Bazley did differently that allowed him to end up in the big leagues – without following the traditional path.

He had a bold goal

His early interviews had a consistent theme: “My dream, for as long as I can remember, has been to play in the NBA.”

Everyone who achieved something great had this in common: BOLD GOAL.

They knew exactly what they wanted.

And regardless of the path they take, they keep their eyes on their goal.

It’s also interesting how this simple statement – play in the NBA – packs so many details in its simplicity.

Obviously, it’s an incredibly audacious goal.

The NBA is considered to be the premiere professional basketball league in the world. You don’t get to that level and not be considered the “best in the world.”

In an attempt at oversimplification, Bazley dreams of being the best in the world in the area of professional basketball.

In contrast, most people early in their careers start off with “I want to get a full time job.”

I’ll let you come up with your own definition of what that statement means.

But one thing is for sure. That goal doesn’t scream, “I want to be the best in the world at what I do.”

If I was running an NBA team, I’m definitely going to recruit somebody who can win championships.

Question: Is your career goal championship worthy? Or do you simply want a job?

He was a trailblazer

Trailblazers are people who are willing to pursue unchartered territory.

That’s a scary thought.

The mere fact that you are trying to do something that nobody has ever done before should be enough reason not to do it.

You’ll be criticized.

You’ll be ridiculed.

You’ll be mocked.

You’ll hear insults.

People will call you stupid.

Even experts will say “You won’t make it.”

And that’s exactly what Syracuse University coach Jim Boeheim said about Bazley. Ouch.

But trailblazers are wired differently. They also think differently.

In one article, he commented on going to college this way, “I looked at all of them the same way: As a one-year stop before declaring for the NBA draft.”

And since his goal was to play in the NBA, he pursued a path that would get him there faster – the G League.

Not only did he find the best path for him to achieve his goal, he did it faster than the traditional way of going to college.

And he didn’t just stop there. He came up with a way where he will be learning more than just basketball. He got a 1-year internship with New Balance on their marketing team.

Question: Are you willing to pursue unconventional ways to achieve your dream faster? Or do you simply want to do what everyone else is doing?

He put himself in the right environment to grow

I was trying my best to understand what was going through his head when he made a decision to do a marketing internship. Why not just focus on basketball if that’s what he really wanted, right?

I mean, I asked myself this question, “What was I thinking about as an 18-year-old?”

At 18, I was already dreaming big – running a tech consulting company while learning about sales.

But Bazley stayed true to his goal. Even when working as a marketing intern at New Balance.

An article that highlighted his internship experience wrote: “I was in an environment where I was forced to grow up. I really got to see what professionalism was, what it looked like, how to attack every day. I grew up as a man…It was the little things throughout the process that helped to shape and mold me.”

He put himself in an environment where he is forced to grow.

Now, you might be thinking, “What does this have anything to do with playing in the NBA?”

Everything.

Because the NBA isn’t just about playing basketball.

It’s about working with team mates.

It’s about learning how to promote teams to increase ticket sales.

It’s about interacting with other stakeholders like the team owners and concessionaires.

It’s about knowing which ads would have the best return on advertising investment.

He wanted to grow beyond just becoming the best professional basketball player in the world.

In contrast, most people who are starting out in their careers are simply satisfied with learning what the job requires of them.

They’re too scared to step outside of their comfort zone…too timid to take on more responsibilities.

I’ll be brutally honest. Simply working a full time job is not the right environment for you to grow personally and professionally.

That’s why you hear people’s stories about working the same job for years – yet not getting promoted nor qualifying for new opportunities.

Question: Are you putting yourself in the right environment where you are forced to grow? Or are you simply doing what everyone else is?

He had a great work ethic

As a professional athlete, Bazley knew he still needed to work on his basketball skills to be at the NBA-level caliber.

So, what did he do?

He worked doubly hard.

He would wake up early in the morning and get an on-court workout in before his 9-to-5 internship started.

From there, he would typically eat and hit the weight room during lunch.

After wrapping up his afternoon at the office, he would have a second basketball workout that would sometimes result in him getting home around midnight.

From there, it was time to go to bed and start the process all over again.

He still had his sights set on his bold goal of playing in the NBA.

So, his work ethic and his daily routine reflected that.

I used to complain about this kind of work ethic. Of putting in the grind and outworking my peers.

Because it demands so much from me – my health, my energy, my relationships, my time.

Until I realized, it’s the very reason why I’ve achieved my goals much faster than my peers.

And because I’ve built the habits and routine over the years, I no longer have to work as hard as before to achieve my goals.

Question: Does your work ethic reflect your goal? Or are you just doing the bare minimum?

He had a great coach

Not all coaches are created equal. And Bazley knew that.

That’s why he and his mom approached Rich Paul.

Rich Paul is a prominent sports agent who became known as LeBron James’ friend and agent.

One thing that may not be that obvious to most people. Rich Paul dropped out of college.

I’m not here to criticize a broken educational system. But I do see a similar pattern with successful people.

They ask help from people who have already achieved what they wanted to achieve.

Knowing Bazley isn’t going to college, Paul did his best to find the best way to spend his time while waiting for the G League.

One article highlighted the reason why Paul did what he did with Bazley: “For who he is, regardless of what happens in the rest of his life, he’ll have a head start. He’ll know more about the business around the game than anybody in his class based upon what he’ll learn.”

A great coach has your best interest in mind.

A great coach believes in you even before you believe in yourself.

It was Paul who came up with the idea of the New Balance internship. Syracuse University coach Jim Boeheim was the one who said, “This is not the way to the NBA. I think it will cost him.”

And a great coach will make you accountable.

It was Paul’s idea to still do workouts while doing the New Balance internship.

In contrast, most people early on in their careers would just listen to any expert in their field.

They would ask for advice from somebody who has been working the same job they wanted to pursue.

There’s nothing wrong with asking for advice from an expert…if being an expert is all you want.

They’re the very experts who will tell you to get a university degree, get a ton of certifications, get an entry-level job just to get experience.

But they don’t have a BOLD GOAL…

They’re not trailblazers…

They don’t put themselves in the right environment to grow…

Their work ethic does not reflect their bold goal…

And, then, they wonder why, after doing everything they thought they needed to do, they still are not achieving great things.

Having a great coach was the best career decision – and investment – I’ve ever made. I just wished I did it earlier in my career instead of waiting for 15 years to finally pull the plug.

Having a great coach allowed me to see my greatness even before I saw it in myself.

Having a great coach allowed me to have bigger, bolder goals…be in a better environment to force myself to grow…

Question: Are you still trying to figure things out on your own? Or are you ready to invest in a coach that can help you achieve your goals much faster than you ever thought possible?

—

The New Year is a great opportunity for me to do self-reflection.

It’s when I’ll review what I’ve accomplished in the previous year and plan for what’s ahead.

It’s also an opportunity for me to do a gut check: Based on what I’ve accomplished this past year, am I still pursuing bigger goals?

Am I still learning and growing?

Am I constantly stepping outside of my comfort zone?

My answer to these questions will determine what I’ll accomplish in the next 12 months.

I attended a leadership conference two years ago, one that my business coach recommended. The event was for entrepreneurs and business owners who want to grow and scale their business to seven-figures and beyond.

One of the sessions involved a “board breaking” exercise. You know, the one you’d commonly see in martial arts demonstrations. Where someone holds a piece of wooden board while you attempt to break it.

The board breaking exercise is more than a simple display of strength. . . beyond the ability to split a piece of wood in half. At least, that’s how I saw it as a kid who watched a ton of martial arts movies. It symbolizes overcoming obstacles that hold you back. The act of breaking through them both physically and mentally.

While the speaker was explaining the significance of the exercise, I thought, “With my military and martial arts training, how hard can this be?“

I guess my thoughts raced faster than I could hear the speaker’s words. Because I missed crucial instructions before we were to do the exercise.

“On one side of the board, write down all the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. And be completely honest. You’re the only one who will read that.“

Yikes. I guess I spoke too soon. About this exercise being too easy.

Because I have way too many limiting beliefs that are holding me back.

“…I have to work harder than everybody else because I’m not good enough.”

“…I don’t have what it takes to succeed. I’ve been doing this much longer than everyone else. Yet they’re already way ahead of me.”

“…I don’t deserve to receive great things unless I work hard for them.”

“…I don’t belong in this crowd. They’re already successful and I’m not.”

“…I suck at being an entrepreneur.”

I wrote more than what’s on this list. More than I could fit on that small piece of wood.

The speaker continued, “On the other side of the board, write down what’s possible when you let go of these limiting beliefs.“

What’s even more challenging than writing my own limiting beliefs? Writing about what’s possible.

When you’ve experienced a ton of hardships, you can’t even imagine the possibility of living an amazing life.

When you’ve worked hard for everything you have in your life, it’s hard to imagine receiving something for free – as a gift.

When you keep failing in business, it’s hard to imagine how you can help other business owners succeed.

It’s no surprise it took me longer to write on this side of the board.

And I didn’t realize I was writing down “impossible goals“. That’s the photo below. I mean, the other half of the broken board.

Then came the time to break the board. They grouped the attendees in three lines as we waited for our turn.

I watched people older than me break their boards with ease. Some did it in one go. Others took a few tries before finally doing it.

That gave me a bit of confidence.

But then came what I call the “Sink Time“.

This is the waiting time until it’s my turn to go. From the time I got in line to the time it’s my turn to break my board.

That could’ve been a few minutes. But it felt like hours.

Because while I was in Sink Time, a flood of negative thoughts and emotions started flowing…all my failures … all my mistakes … all my insecurities…

Maybe writing down my limiting beliefs on the board triggered it. I have no idea.

But in that short amount of time, I felt like I couldn’t move.

I felt ashamed, telling myself, “What would everyone think of me if I’m not able to do it?“

The humiliation was mind-numbing.

Until I felt a tap on my arm signaling my turn to go. It was the speaker.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and yelled “Hi-yaa!!!” before hitting the board.

OK, I was exaggerating. There was no yelling involved. Only breaking of the board in one smooth move. I guess I’ve made my aikido sensei proud one more time.

As I went back to my seat, I started reflecting on the lessons I learned in that moment.

1. Limiting beliefs hold us back more than anything or anyone. Enough said.
2. Possible goals prevent us from achieving beyond what we believe we’re capable of. I’ve already achieved 4 out of the 5 “impossible goals” I wrote on that piece of board. I guess it was “impossible” back then because I never saw myself achieving any of them. Breaking the board opened my consciousness to what’s possible.
3. Sink Times will always be there. Whether it’s a split-second, a few minutes, or even months if we don’t deal with it. Have the skills and tools to overcome Sink Time before it defeats you.
4. Don’t get fixated on the HOW. Focus on the goal and get resourceful. There were those who could not break the board with their hands no matter how much they tried. One 70+ year-old lady took her board, put it between two chairs, and used her foot to break it. The entire room cheered. Nobody ever said you can only use your hands to break the board. The goal was to break the board. After she did, those who couldn’t break their boards before ended up following her lead. Talk about a “Roger Bannister moment”.
5. To keep improving, hire a coach. This was one of the best investments I’ve ever made in my life. That tap on my arm when I was on Sink Time? That’s a coach. You need someone who has already achieved what you want to accomplish. Someone who can see through your negative beliefs and speak life into you. Someone who can recognize and believe in what you’re capable of even before you see it yourself. Someone who can, figurative or literally, smack you in the head or kick you in the butt (with grace) when you need it. I’ve grown exponentially in the last 3 years with a coach than in the previous decade without one.

That board breaking experience stuck with me.

Today, I do my own version whenever I feel like I’m stuck with either limiting beliefs or thoughts.

I would write them down on a piece of paper. Then, I would either shred it or light it up on fire. Kinda like a simple ritual.

Nothing changes after the fact. But that small act triggers something within me, one that signals, “LET’S GO!“

I guess it’s time to write another set of “impossible goals”.

“Tools are extensions of our abilities; mastery transforms them into allies.” 

– Jackie Morgan

So much has been written about using AI as a tool to do our day-to-day tasks. And I bet you’re using some form of AI every day.

That Netflix recommendations you see on the TV. Or that surge pricing on your favorite ride sharing app. That’s AI.

It’s only been less than 3 years since the release of ChatGPT. Yet thousands of news articles have been written about how AI will replace jobs in 2025 and beyond. Bill Gates on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Falon stated that AI will replace most human jobs in 10 years.

You’ll find thousands of social media posts with even more comments on how people are affected by this. From reduction of work hours to layoffs. From AI replacing repetitive work to completely eliminating it. What makes it worse is that more and more AI-startups are popping up like mushrooms all around the world.

I did a keynote speech a few weeks back on how anyone can prepare for the new era of an AI-driven world. The audience were technical professionals. And while they interact with AI everyday, they’re not exempted from the threat of this technology.

I’ve had my fair share of fear mongering early on in life.

My parents told me that I would never land a decent job without a degree. In college, my professors told me that industrial automation would eliminate the jobs we were going to school for.

I’ve seen how globalization had a huge impact in the job market. Chip manufacturer Intel moved their manufacturing plant to Vietnam and China after the global economic crisis.  That’s after being in the Philippines for 3 decades.

I’ve also seen how any new technology can become a threat to existing jobs. Remember those telephone switchboard operators?

Seeing how markets and economies shift throughout the years, I knew that what I can do will be replaced by whatever new technology is available. It’s inevitable.

And while new technology can often come off as delusional, obsolescence is real. Just like getting old.

So, instead of pretending that technology – or AI – is never going to eliminate my job, I make the assumption that it will. Even worse, it already did. And even if it has not happened yet, it’s only a matter of time.

Accepting this reality is what made me commit to continuous personal development. Other than the fact that I enjoy figuring out how things work, it helps hedge against obsolescence.

Hedging against obsolescence is a proactive approach. It means you have to be actively doing something. Not just passively waiting for something to happen before you react.

And herein lies one of the many things that AI cannot do for you. I’ll list down 3. Because that’s how much I can easily remember.

AI Cannot Be Proactive

Like any man-made technology, AI needs input. The prompts. The training data. The models.

Technology is primarily reactive. It needs input to provide output. It cannot do anything on its own. Humans have to design and build it. We need to provide the input input. And the quality of the output depends on the quality of the design and the input.

Just like the automobile. It needs fuel. And a driver. Even autonomous vehicles need sensor input. Remove any required input and you have nothing.

There are so many cases of smart systems where the technology managed to do something that ordinary humans could not. Like the Apple Watch detecting a possible heart attack. Technology still rely on input. Technology is still reactive.

We humans have the capability to be proactive. We have the ability to change our present if we don’t like it.

Don’t like the movie you’re watching? Switch to a different one.

Don’t like the new pair of shoes you’re wearing? Get another pair.

Being proactive is so natural to us as humans.

However, given our overdependence on technology, we hand over our ability to be proactive to the very technology we invented.

I’m not exempted from this.

I use AI tools on a regular basis to do my work. And I still fall into the trap of accepting the results as they are without questioning the validity.

I once asked ChatGPT to write a piece of code that automates a repetitive task. I copied the code and immediately ran it on my app platform without checking. I was just so lucky I accidentally introduced a breakpoint to stop the execution.

Cultivating a habit of being proactive will guarantee that AI will never be able to replace what you do. And even if it did, you’re already a few steps ahead working on the next new thing.

AI Cannot Make Wise Decisions

Technology is built with algorithms and decision trees. The results will be based on the design and the quality of the input.

That’s great for purely facts-based environments. Because based on inputs and algorithms, we can have predictable outcomes.

Too bad we don’t live in purely facts-based environments.

We deal with complex human beings every single day, most of whom we don’t understand. Heck, we don’t even understand why we do what we do sometimes.

I’m sure you’ve been in situations where facts alone were not enough to make decisions.

Have you stepped into a meeting – social or otherwise – where everything looks great on the outside? Yet your gut is telling you that something feels off.

That’s your intuition working. Like Peter Parker’s Spidey-senses.

I remember a consulting project I worked on a few years ago. The client wanted me to do an assessment of their high availability infrastructure. It was causing a lot of issues. Since their business relied on the infrastructure, the issues were costing them a lost revenue.

I did my usual discovery conversation with the IT director, gathering facts about their environment.

However, I could not shake the feeling that something was not right.

I told the IT director that I needed to meet with the whole team. Despite the fact that I can do my work from anywhere in the world, I had to be physically present with the team.

The IT director was hesitant at first. After all, bringing me onsite was an added cost. Not to mention scheduling dedicated time for the entire team away from their day-to-day work.

Within an hour of talking to the IT team, I knew exactly what the problem was. And it had nothing to do with their infrastructure.

They have inefficient communication channels. And because of that, they were ignoring processes, causing issues in their infrastructure.

Had I simply rely on the facts provided, we would never have resolved the real problem: team communication issues.

Intuition-based decision-making is something AI will never be able to do. Ever.

AI Cannot Be the Artisan

The rise of developer-focused AI-platforms like Cursor paved the way for a new trend: vibe coding. It’s where anybody can use the English language to describe a problem as a prompt to an LLM tuned for coding. You can now create software in a weekend without knowing how to write a single line of code.

The concept is nothing new.

I remember the introduction of integrated development environments in the mid-1990s. As I wrote my very first code in Turbo Pascal, I was surprised to see how easy it was moving from terminal-based coding to using Borland Delphi. I didn’t have to know every syntax to create an app.

Then, I got introduced to Visual Studio in 1998. Talk about an upgrade, like from flip phones to an iPhone.

I was able to create a simple network-based app in less than a few hours. Without even knowing how the Windows Sockets API worked. All I had to do was drag-and-drop a few controls, create the user interface, and a working app was ready for use.

Imagine my surprise when Visual Studio.NET came out with even better tools for creating mobile-based apps.

The problem with having better tools is it makes you feel like an expert without having a good grasp of the fundamentals.

Besides, you were able to build something fast, weren’t you? You have a working prototype without the need to know the basics.

It’s like publishing a novel over a weekend without understanding what makes a story captivating.

There’s a big difference between knowing how to use a tool and being an artisan.

Knowing how to use a tool allows you to create something.

But without mastery of the fundamentals, you become a slave to the tool.  You take away the tool and you start to feel helpless. I’m sure you’ve felt that way when you had to do simple math without your phone on the grocery checkout.

In contrast, an artisan can create something with or without a tool.

An artisan’s mastery of the craft is the secret to creation.

With a tool, the creation process is a lot faster. Without it, creation still happens, albeit a lot slower.

The real power of being an artisan is when you can create your own tools as an extension of your abilities.

Like a mathematician creating super calculators.

Or a programmer writing code generators.

It is your responsibility to be the artisan. A master of your own craft. To be very good at what you do.

And if necessary, use AI as a tool.

I cannot tell you what the next wave of technology would be. Probably AI vNext.

And I can’t even imagine what they can be capable of. Maybe get rid of your job within the next 5 years.

If you want to remain relevant…

If you want to hedge against obsolescence and not have AI ever replace what you can do…

Focus on the things that AI cannot do.

I’ve had the amazing opportunity to deliver a keynote speech for CUSEC: Canadian University Software Engineering Conference this past weekend. I don’t schedule any speaking engagements during the first month of the year. But I made an exception for this one.

I’ve spoken at hundreds of professional conferences and events worldwide. That translates to almost a thousand presentations, both in-person and virtual. And this isn’t my first keynote speech either.

The reason I said YES to speaking at this event is because I want to keep pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.

I haven’t been in front of students in more than a decade. The last time I spoke at a student-oriented event was back in 2006. I did a keynote speech for a Microsoft-sponsored student developer conference in Singapore. I remember walking up on stage with my O2 XDA II phone running Windows Mobile, controlling a Lego Mindstorms robot with code written using Microsoft Robotics Developer Studio. Ah, the good-old-days of being a developer. Back when I still had hair.

For me, speaking at CUSEC was more than just speaking at any other event I’ve spoken at. My biggest challenge was being relevant.

I no longer write software full time. Heck, I barely even write production-grade automation scripts. Gone are the days when my day-to-day revolved around looking at an IDE. I spend most of my time talking to decision makers – CIOs, team leads, managers, etc. – on how to help the business use technology to achieve their goals. And, if absolutely necessary, roll up my sleeves and do the heavy lifting myself.

It didn’t help that the average age of the attendees was half mine. Many were shocked when I told them I’m almost turning 50. Being relevant has a totally different meaning when age is involved.

So, if my job was to inspire an audience full of code-writing geeks, how can I add value?

I spent the entire duration of the conference attending other talks and talking to attendees. My goal was to learn as much as I can and incorporate the lessons in my keynote. Good thing my talk was on the last day. Not that I had to rewrite the entire presentation a few hours before I started. But I certainly included important lessons I learned during the conference.

Am I Good Enough?

Anybody who claims they can completely eliminate impostor syndrome is lying. Because impostor syndrome is simply a different shade of fear. And we can never eliminate fear. Unless, of course, you’re already six feet under.

And just because I’ve already done almost close to a thousand presentations in my entire lifetime doesn’t mean I never feel impostor syndrome.

• I know I’m speaking to an audience who have IQs way higher than mine…

• They have degrees that are far more relevant in the tech industry than mine (there were PhD and post-graduate students in the audience)…

• They are more connected to the world of software engineering today than I had ever been…

And you think I’m just making these all up?

As a data professional, I have data to prove these claims. I’ve got data points from the hours of conversations I had with both attendees and speakers. And I kept track of those conversations in my pocket-sized notebook.

It didn’t help that the other keynote speakers were absolutely amazing.

I took copious notes during Lyn Chen’s speech on How To Treat Yourself Like a Startup. I was reliving my post-graduation days through her talk, especially the “close to one-thousand rejections”. The real reason I started a business was because nobody wanted to hire me. So, I hired myself instead.

Dr. Greg Wilson’s talk on What Everyone in Tech Should Know About Teaching and Learning is a masterclass for anyone who wants to teach. I have been fascinated with how people learn since I was in university. That’s because I had difficulty learning complex concepts. It’s the very reason I use stories and simple analogies to explain things.

Seeing the previous keynote speeches made me doubt myself even more. That’s when those voices in your head start creeping up…

• “I don’t think I’m the right person to deliver a keynote speech to an audience of software engineers…”

• “Who do you think you are speaking to an audience way smarter than you?”

• “I’m going to screw this up…and the organizers will regret inviting me as a speaker…”

And you know what? I still have these crippling thoughts. Despite doing presentations for close to 30 years now.

It’s no different from the thoughts you have when applying for a job or an internship you feel you don’t deserve.

Or asking for a raise or a promotion…

Or even sharing your dream to a complete stranger (Lyn asked the audience to share their dreams to 10 people and one attendee stayed at the back of the auditorium so she can avoid doing the activity)…

And you know what else?

It’s OK to have these thoughts. 

Because impostor syndrome is a great way to remind ourselves that we’re still humans. That we are capable of feeling the fear that every other human being feels.

You want to know a secret that most successful people have that the society doesn’t want you to believe?

Successful people also feel impostor syndrome. Just like any normal human being.

The big difference is they recognize it and know how to deal with it.

They turn the negative voices in their head into empowering thoughts.

Before I did my keynote speech, I turned my thoughts into rocket fuel that helped me become the best version of myself for the job.

Instead of “I don’t think I’m the right person to deliver a keynote speech to an audience of software engineers…”, I told myself, ”my decades worth of experience working in the tech industry makes me the best person to learn from – both mistakes to avoid and lasting principles to apply”

Instead of “Who do you think you are speaking to an audience way smarter than you?”, I told myself, “In life, wisdom is way more valuable than IQ.”

Instead of “I’m going to screw this up…and the organizers will regret inviting me as a speaker…”, I told myself, “My talk is going to be the highlight of the conference and the organizers will invite me again next year.”

And before you even ask the question, “Am I good enough?”, start with telling yourself, “I’m more than enough.”

Do I Belong Here?

I did mention that the average age of the attendees was half mine.

When I was a kid, I always felt left out because I wasn’t like everyone else.

During the talk. I shared the story of how my friends made fun of me when I was a kid. Because I’d rather watch TV than to play with them. And by “TV”, I meant the Transformers cartoon series.

I learned how to speak English from watching cartoons. And the reason I spent time watching the Transformers cartoon series was because I wanted to work with robots when I grew up.

When you’re born and raised in a third-world country where a telephone landline is a luxury, working with robots is a delusional hallucination. It’s a scientific and polite way of saying “You’re %!^#* crazy.”

I knew what it felt like to be left out. To go against the status quo. To be different.

Same thing when I was growing up. I did things that most people think are unconventional.

…faked my ID at 13-years-old to get a factory job

…ran a fund-raising event in high school despite school officials disagreeing with it

…became a “consultant” at 18-years-old, being flown in a helicopter to fix internet satellite connectivity issues

…sold internet subscriptions to doctors back when 14.4Kbps was the fastest bandwidth one could have

I even planned on totally skipping university. That plan didn’t work. I’m Asian. I have to have a degree. So, after 17 failed courses and close to 6 years, I had an engineering diploma in my hand.

Despite being OK with being the odd-man-out, part of me still wants to belong. It’s a basic human need, after all.

Being surrounded by people half my age brought back feelings of not belonging. It’s like high school all over again.

• “I’m not ‘cool enough’ for them…”

• “I feel out of touch with what they’re doing…”

• “I don’t understand their language…”

Fun fact: As a non-native English speaker, I still search up jargon and terms that people say. Especially if they talk too fast and I don’t have time to ask, “What exactly do you mean by that?”

I had these thoughts at the back of my head every time I’d strike a conversation with people at the conference.

We will never outgrow our NEED TO BELONG. It’s hard-wired into our humanity.

And while society celebrates the superhero…the inventor…the company founder…the genius…the billionaire…

None of them exist in a vacuum.

Our need to belong is so essential to our existence. Yet so paralyzing when we don’t fit in.

• That’s why we crave the likes on our Instagram posts…

• Or the appreciation for the good work we did…

• Or someone agreeing to our ideas…

So, how do we embrace this need while using it to our advantage?

Start with learning how to LOVE YOURSELF. And, no, I’m not about to burst out into a Justin Bieber song.

Instead of waiting to be appreciated, APPRECIATE YOURSELF.

Instead of waiting to be liked, LIKE YOURSELF.

Instead of waiting to be accepted, ACCEPT YOURSELF.

This isn’t some form of narcissism that I’m advocating. Quite the opposite.

Because how can you appreciate others when you can’t even appreciate yourself?

How can you like others when you don’t even like yourself?

How can you accept others when you can’t even accept yourself?

My version of “selfishness and self-centeredness” takes my need to belong and turns it into a need to SERVE.

Instead of focusing on ME, I focus on WE.

Because I cannot give what I do not have.

I turn my need for belongingness into an act of service.

So, rather than ask, “Am I ‘cool enough’ to hang out with them?”, I ask, “How can I appreciate them?”

Turn your need for belongingness from an act of TAKING to an act of GIVING.

And you know what, everyone wants to be around generous people.

What Will My Future Look Like?

If I’m going to talk about the future of tech, it helps to look back at my personal challenges when I was starting out. Especially when artificial intelligence (AI) is slowly taking over every industry.

I knew I wanted to work in tech. But I didn’t have the right background (I don’t have a CS, IT, or software engineering degree) nor the right experience.

It didn’t help that every interviewer I talked to had a copy of my university transcript. Yep, the same one that included 17 failed courses.

Every job application turned into a rejection. From IBM, Microsoft, Accenture, Avanade, etc.

What frustrated me the most was that I was the one who told my friends to pursue a tech career. And they’re already making top dollars despite only working in tech for a year.

It’s depressing when you’re on your own, can’t find a job, and have nothing to your name. This is one of those circumstances when you’re most vulnerable.

I started having thoughts of living on the streets and being homeless. And the shame of having gone to the top university in the country…yet have nothing to show for it.

I knew I had highly valuable skills. But what good are those skills if nobody knew about them? So much for working with robots and mechatronics in a country where labor cost is cheap. No one would need my skills.

I spent a good amount of time feeling sorry for myself. Not wanting to get out of bed. Loss of appetite. Constantly blaming myself for all the bad luck that’s happening to me.

I had an excuse for everything that was happening to me.

• “I can’t get a job because I don’t have a computer-related degree…”

• “No one wants to hire me because I failed 17 courses in my undergrad program…”

• “I can’t pass exams because I suck at it…”

Mark Twain once said, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.”

Dwelling on the negative didn’t help improve my situation. So, why keep at it?

Call it luck, the universe, or whatever you want to call it. But just when I was about to give up, I glanced upon a copy of the book The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale sitting on my bookshelf. You can probably guess what the book is about.

In those days, I’m not one to believe in any of these positivity or feel-good BS. When you’re born and raised in a culture where hard-work is worn as a badge of honor, none of these made sense. Everything is all about working hard.

But what have I got to lose? If the negative self-talk didn’t produce the results I wanted, why not try a different strategy?

That was the very first time I started paying attention to my thoughts. That my thoughts dictated how I felt. And how I felt dictated my actions.

I made it a habit to speak kind words to myself. Over time, I started taking action. I did meaningful work, those that allowed me to learn relevant tech skills. Having skills improved my confidence.

You might be thinking, “What does this have to do with what my future in tech would look like?”

Every tech innovation is built to solve a problem.

• Cars solved mobility problems…

• Phones solved communication problems…

• Computers solved labor inefficiency problems…

Whether that’s AI today or a new technology that gets introduced in the next five years, it will eventually solve a problem.

And while most people will look at my challenges as bad luck, I look at it as a blessing in disguise. My challenges helped me become better at solving problems.

And, guess what? That’s exactly what I do today as a consultant.

Because so long as I have the ability to identify and solve problems, no amount of AI nor technology will ever be able to replace me. I call that “job security”.

Let’s get back to that Mark Twain quote one more time: “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.”

The fact is, no one can really know exactly what the future looks like. No matter the amount of data we have and analytics we use. And this is me speaking as a data and analytics expert.

I’m not here to tell you exactly what your future will look like. Despite looking at the past.

Because regardless of what the data tells you about the past, that’s really all it is.

Nobody has the power to change the past. And even if I did, I would not want to change any of it.

But we all have the power to change the future.

If you don’t like your present, look at the past.

If what you did in the past did not help you achieve what you want in the present, change it.

By doing so, you have the ability to dictate your future.

The most important lesson that guided me in my almost 3-decade tech career came from Rabbi Daniel Lapin: “The more things change, the more we need to depend upon those things that never change.”

We spent that New Year’s eve at this beach resort about 4 hours northeast of Manila. The weather was the total opposite of what we had in the freezing regions of Canada. I had a few more days to soak in all the heat before I go back to below freezing temperatures. And despite the contrast in the weather conditions, I saw myself in that fisherman. No, I wasn’t getting ready to hop on a boat and cast my nets for the day’s catch. I was the one taking pictures, remember?

The reality was that I wasn’t really in full vacation mode during those days. While my entire family was enjoying the holidays, I was strapped to my phone and my laptop the days prior. We’ve already planned this trip months ahead. There’s no way we’re going to cancel it just because I needed to work. So, we did what we had to do. We took the trip.

During the days leading up to the New Year, I was working nights from 10PM to 7AM to cover the Eastern time zone. While my family slept at night, I was trying to keep my phone from waking them up. Being assigned on-call duties meant my phone would constantly make those annoying sounds whenever I receive an alert from our monitoring tools. If you think your phone notifications sound cool, try getting about a dozen alerts in a few minutes and not be able to turn them off because every alert is critical. I was wide awake at night and barely slept during the day. Can you blame me? I still wanted to enjoy the time I was “on vacation.”

Imagine how it felt like on Christmas eve. Because our Christmas eve was still a regular work day in North America. So, while everyone in the family was getting ready for the feast, I was still trying to shush all the alerts that came in. It was the very same experience I had two years prior. And I thought I was done with this. It’s a good thing we had Christmas and Boxing Day. I had two days to catch up on sleep and get some rest before getting back to the grind. And I was really looking forward to taking a day off for the New Year. Because it’s all I had before flying back to North America to do onsite client work in North Carolina.

I had some time to reflect and catch up on sleep on my flight back to North America. The reality was, I did more sleeping that reflecting. But it was enough for me to really think about how every IT Professional deals with this kind of challenge. We took on a job with certain responsibilities. But nobody talks about unrealistic expectations during job interviews. So we end up working 60+ hours a week putting out fires and responding to critical alerts over email. We’re strapped to our phones (or pagers for those who still remember) and laptops wherever we go. We’re physically present but not available. We’ve missed special family events because we’re overwhelmed with work. And we’re not even talking about the learning and keeping up with new tech during our spare time. As if we still have spare times. Nobody told us that we needed extra 12 hours in a day as IT Professionals. But that was the expectation. And it still is.

It’s no wonder so many of us are overworked and stressed out to the point of burnout. And it’s as if sleeping or taking naps would cut it. We can’t even get a good enough hours of sleep. That feeling of being awake every night, wondering if we should just quit. And even when we do get some sleep, we still wake up feeling tired and exhausted. We can’t give work our all anymore. And we wonder when all this is going to end.

Don’t ask me how I know. Because I was in this same mess years ago. I hated being assigned on-call duties. It messed up my sleep cycles. I think I averaged around 4.5-6 hours of sleep every day. I took naps in buses on my way to and from work. You know you can’t be effective at work as an IT Professional if you don’t get enough sleep. I missed birthdays and special family events unless they fall on a Sunday. I barely talked to my family. Until I asked myself, “Is this really what I want for the rest of my career? Or is there something better?”

Everyone talks about and wants work-life balance. Yet so many of us are still struggling. There’s a big difference between wanting something and stepping out to get it. I decided to do something about it. And I’m glad I did. Now, I get to enjoy life the way I want to. I get to spend quality time with my family. No more 60-hour weeks. And especially no more on-call assignments. I have had the opportunity to travel to more countries in the last 4 years than I did before that. I didn’t think it was possible back then. But my lifestyle is proof that it is.

In my consulting work, I see a lot of IT Professionals struggle. I remember doing consulting work for a global travel website. As we were discussing the new architecture of their database platform, I asked the engineers what their biggest struggle was. Their response was unanimous: burnout and work-life balance. I could see it in their face. These are some of the smartest people I’ve had the chance to work with. Yet, they’re struggling. And it breaks my heart to see them struggle.

If you know any IT Professional struggling with burnout, do them a favor and send them my way. Because you’re not just helping them break free from the struggle. You’re literally saving their life.

Tell them that they don’t have to suffer. But they won’t have a clue unless someone tells them.

When I was a kid, I’ve learned a very neat trick about making paper money smile or frown. The trick was very simple that I picked it up real quick and showed it to a few of my friends. I did use the Philippine Peso to try it out instead of a US dollar bill. If you are not familiar with this trick, check out this video to see how it is done.

While the video has garnered a large number of views and likes on YouTube for being cool, I think there is a more meaningful lesson to be learned from it. While on the bus one day, I showed my son this very trick that I learned more than 30 years ago. After showing him the trick, I asked if he could make the face on the dollar bill smile or frown. And while he was having fun doing it, I told him this very important lesson.

It's the same dollar bill, nothing has changed. What changed was how you handled it.
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We are faced with different challenges everyday – paying the bills, completing projects on time, or even as worse as dealing with the COVID-19 outbreak. Situations may or may not change but understand that we hold in our hands the key to whether or not we end up being happy or otherwise. Great leaders know that when facing challenges, they need to do the following:

1. Face reality. The dollar bill trick reveals two faces – smiling and frowning. That is the reality that they need to face. Leaders understand that in order to deal with challenges, they need to get the facts right and face reality. Otherwise, they would be living in an illusion and may not be able to measure the enormity of the situation. This is what I call the “reality check.”
2. Take Responsibility. In order for the dollar trick to work, you need to pick up the dollar bill and tilt it yourself. Otherwise, the visual illusion would not be as effective. Leaders know that they need take personal responsibility for their situation. They literally put their necks on the line especially when the stakes are high.
3. Make Positive Moves. I bet that you smiled when you tilted the dollar bill to make it smile. And I also bet that you made it smile more that you’ve made it frown. Leaders know that they need to keep a positive environment and promote hope in spite of the realities that they need to face. A pat on the back, a good word of encouragement, even to a point where they remind themselves of the good things that have happened to them in the past. They understood the power of feeding their mind good stuff.

In case you want to try out the dollar bill trick, remember how you can handle a challenging situation while making those creases on George Washington’s eyes.

I’m rarely on social media. But the COVID-19 outbreak has got me thinking, “how can I serve others in the midst of the fear and panic?” While these may be challenging times, we have the opportunity to help make this world a better place.

I’m writing a series of Life-Pro Tips (LPT) to help you navigate these challenging times. Feel free to share this in your groups, with your friends and family, and anyone who you think will benefit from this.

I was just talking to a friend from back home on Facebook Messenger. Instead of relying on the news for updates, I ask people I know. Their first-hand experience of what’s happening around them tell a better story than what the news usually say. The challenge, however, is that the way they tell their stories are often tainted with their emotional state. This one was no exception.

He was laid off from work because of the government’s directive for a lockdown. The lockdown has slowed the economy down with businesses being closed. No business, no revenue. And no revenue means no money for payroll. And he’s not alone. Nearly one million Canadians applied for jobless claims since the COVID-19 outbreak started. In the US, it’s 3.3 million. That’s 4.3 million people in North America alone that lost their jobs in the last 2 weeks alone. And the numbers will continue to rise. What could have been a week to spend some time off work for spring break ended up being the most stressful week of 2020. With bills to pay and no financial reserves, it’s no wonder people are terrified of what’s going on around the world. Imagine what it feels like checking your bank account after getting laid off and seeing only $300 in your balance. How are you going to survive until the situation gets back to normal when you know you have limited supplies and no means to get more? You can feel your heart skip a beat when you get that phone call from your bank telling you of non-sufficient funds.

It gets worse. Research from previous economic downturns like that of the 2008 global economic crisis suggests that unemployment has a negative impact in an individual’s physical and mental health. Unemployed workers are clearly in worse health than their employed counterparts. They are less self-confident and appear overwhelmed by their problems. I don’t blame them. When you don’t know where to get the money to pay the bills or buy groceries, when nobody wants to hire you because the economy is just bad, it’s easy to fall into depression and hopelessness. Their self-esteem and self-worth drops. Couple that with the fear of contracting the virus or the anxiety of staying indoors most of the time. It’s overwhelming.

And as I mentioned in the previous post, while we cannot control the things that are happening around us, we can certainly control these two things – our actions and our emotions.

Write down your wins daily

Growing up, we were told we’re not enough – not good enough, not smart enough, not fast enough, not artistic enough, not strong enough. If you failed in a test, you were labeled “not smart enough”. When you didn’t make it to the track team, you were “not fast enough”. We compare ourselves with others who are better, stronger, smarter, faster. It’s no wonder we don’t accomplish much. And why would we when we feel that what we do doesn’t quite make it – because it’s not enough.

But we don’t seem to notice that we now know how to use a smartphone when most people older than us don’t even want to be anywhere near the alien device. We know how to do our jobs well. We know how to earn a living, to make money. We know how to make someone laugh and brighten up their day. I’m sure this made you feel good about yourself. Yet, we reduce, if not ignore, their importance.

I learned this exercise from one of my coaches a few years back. And I struggled with doing it the first few months. My coach told me to do this together with my gratitude journal. And while I was already doing my daily gratitude for months, I still couldn’t get myself to do it. I felt like I was so conceited, self-absorbed, proud – you name it. Yet I was ignoring the very essence of why I was given this assignment. It was meant to remind myself of my greatness. Because I was created in the image of my Creator. I have unexplored power within me that can be harnessed if only I choose to search for them. And that’s what this exercise did for me.

You might think, “nothing spectacular happened to me today, so what would I write?” It doesn’t have to be something that happened today or anything recent. It could be something you’ve done a long time ago, something you can be proud of. Here are a few things I’ve written down when I first started doing this daily exercise.

• I hate hostility. I avoid it at all cost. One thing that I learned in Aikido is to strive to remain in harmony. If somebody wants to pick a fight, I avoid it or, if I can, de-escalate by being calm. That’s just who I am. But I remember a bully in high school who, together with his friends, started verbally assaulting a younger student. I heard it from afar and was about to avoid it when I recognized the bully. He knew me thru a common friend. I approached them, asked in a very respectful and calm way what’s going on as he was about to punch the kid on the face. The bully looked me in the eyes – he was way bigger than I was. I’ll admit I was scared, I don’t want his clenched fist anywhere near me. Yet, I remained calm and relaxed. I guess that got him to calm down, lower his hand, and have a conversation instead. I can’t remember exactly how the heated argument started but I do know how it ended – with me standing up to a bully and saving a kid from being punched in the face.
• Almost 20 years ago, I learned how to program in Visual Basic in 2 months that allowed me to write software for a small business – even when I failed my computer programming course in college. I spent an average of 16 hours daily in front of a computer, reading books about programming, and asking questions on chatrooms about how to write Visual Basic code. My eyes hurt from looking at the computer screen for so long and I developed back pain during those 2 months. But a happy customer was more than enough to convince me to become a computer programmer earlier in my career regardless of what my university transcript showed.
• I was buying French macarons when the store clerk was struggling to place them nicely in a box. It’s her first day at work and was getting stressed out for not being able to do her job well. It didn’t help that a young family with a kid entered the store and started ordering in a rushed tone. Good thing they didn’t need the pastries to be in a box. I told her to serve the family’s order first and I’ll patiently wait until they’re done. Once she got back to my order, I started to tell her how she was doing a great job being her first day at work. I told her that the French macarons required special handling due to the nature of the ingredients and how they were baked. Yet she handled them with grace, as if she was the one who baked them. In less than 5 minutes, she managed to properly place my order in the box, something she struggled with for more than 20 minutes before the young family came into the store. I saw with my very own eyes how encouragement and motivation can increase employee productivity.
• I got caught up in a lockdown and couldn’t fly back home. I don’t have everything that I need to do my work. So, what do I do? I took inventory of what I have and started thinking about what I can do. While I may not have everything that I need, I have the bare necessities – computer, internet, my resourcefulness, my creativity. Given the limited resources that I have, I decided to do a special run of my SQL Server Always On Availability Group: The Senior DBA’s Ultimate Field Guide and the SQL Server DBA’s Guide to Docker Containers training classes online. I have what it takes to make the most of any situation.

Your list doesn’t have to be spectacular. It could be as simple as waking up early without hitting the snooze button on your phone alarm several times. Celebrating that small win gives you the motivation to do it again tomorrow until it becomes a habit. Or making someone laugh because you’ll never know what they’re going thru. Or telling someone you appreciate what they did for you. Or making the effort to physically move when you’re locked down at home.

I can’t count how many times I had to read what I’ve written in the past. When I feel so discouraged that things I’m doing aren’t making any progress. When I couldn’t figure out how to do something. Or when I feel devastated because of what’s happening around me. Reading my wins gives me the confidence that I have what it takes to make things happen. It changes my emotional state and gets me going again, like a battery that was recharged  

Doing this on a regular basis develops your self-worth and improves your confidence. And when you face a challenging situation like getting laid off from work, you are absolutely sure you can get thru it because you have evidences of your wins written down in a journal.        

Now it’s your turn. What 3 things are you proud of?

One of the best investments I’ve made 13 years ago. And it has served me well.

Growing up, I was told I was very sick. I couldn’t do sports. I couldn’t play rough. I couldn’t do anything that would get me really exhausted. It’s the reason I ended up learning to play the piano.

Realizing that the things others said I couldn’t do was preventing me from growing, I decided I had enough. I joined the army reserve training in my university days. And was I in for a big surprise. First weekend of training, we were told to run around the university campus – a distance of 2.2 km. I’ve never done that before. But if I were to survive the first weekend of training, I needed to do it.

Surrounded by 30 people in my batch, we ran. Those were the most grueling 50 minutes of my life. For an entire week, my legs hurt. My entire body hurt. Even my arms hurt. I didn’t know your arms could hurt from running. And knowing that another weekend of intense physical training was just a few days ahead, I wanted to quit. Besides, everyone told me I was sick when I was a kid. I had all the reasons to bail out.

But I didn’t. I persisted. I pushed thru. I ended up doing a lot of physical activities throughout my university days. I didn’t do sports. But I chose to run. Because it was proof that I can push past the limitations that people place on me.

These days, I run in spite of the titanium rod in my right leg. When my therapist told me it would take months to fully heal, I decided to push myself physically. I hiked and climbed mountains when I can. I ran on uneven roads when I can. I can still feel a bit of pain in my right leg where the screws were attached. Yet I still do it.

Because growth only happens thru pain.

The irony of life is that we live in a world where we all want to avoid pain – at all cost. If there’s an easy way out, we take it. We look for shortcuts. The easy road to an easy life. If something is uncomfortable, we avoid it. If the task is too hard, we excuse ourselves from it.

If only we learn to accept pain as part of our road to greatness. That challenge that we have been avoiding all our life might just be the thing that can lead us down the path to greatness.

I’m monitoring the news everyday, something that I don’t really do regularly. I’m reading about the number of COVID-19 cases, fatalities, and recoveries here in the Philippines and around the world. Seeing the numbers can be discouraging. Even more discouraging is how people interpret those numbers based on what they’ve read on the news or social media. These numbers are causing people to panic, to be afraid, to be stressed out, to be anxious. And I can’t blame them.

Some of my acquaintances just lost their jobs despite working for the same company for years. Now they’re struggling to send resumes while companies are on hiring freeze. Others are worried that they won’t have a job to go back to after being told to stay at home for a while. Businesses fear that this pandemic could lead to closures within a month, causing more people to lose their jobs. Governments are now releasing stimulus packages to help in the economic downturn. People are concerned about food supplies and toilet paper, shortage of equipment and staff in healthcare facilities, and their current health and well-being. These events are overwhelming and can cause anyone to panic – we’ve never had anything like this before..

But fear, panic, anxiety, and stress are unhealthy responses to what’s going on around us right now.

In fact, these responses can cause more harm than the COVID-19 virus. Too much exposure on the information surrounding COVID-19 can make you feel like you already have it. A little bit of cough or mild fever can cause anyone to panic and believe that they are already infected. Until they eventually are. This unhealthy response is even more powerful than the virus itself because you are sending negative triggers to your brain that eventually compromises your immune system. Until you start to become weak.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying ignore the health experts’ recommendation of maintaining good hygiene, washing your hands frequently, maintaining social distancing, and all the health recommendations. What I’m simply saying is to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones – the fear with faith, the panic with calmness, the anxiety with trust, and the stress with relaxation. Instead of being afraid that you won’t have a job to come back to after things get back to normal, have faith that you have what it takes to pursue greater opportunities. Instead of being anxious and stressed about increased workload due to working from home, trust that this will provide ideas on how to do more with less, that you can learn how to relax and enjoy a different kind of normal.

This COVID-19 outbreak provides the perfect opportunity for you to play offense, to find ways to adopt and thrive – not give in to fear, panic, anxiety, and stress. Improve your SQL Server skills so you can be the subject matter expert for your next project. Increase your value so your company would think twice – or even three times – before they decide to let you go. And learn the art of being calm and relaxed during stressful situations that your peers and managers look to you for guidance.

I’m running my SQL Server Always On Availability Group: The Senior DBA’s Ultimate Field Guide and SQL Server DBA’s Guide to Docker Containers training classes from 06-Apr to 01-May. I’ve included strategies for overcoming fear, panic, stress & anxiety in these trying times. Because learning how to thrive – not just survive – in these challenging times is more important than ever. Sign up now while there’s still available seats – I’m limiting the number of registrations so I can really focus on serving you at a much higher level.

SQL Server Always On: The Senior DBA’s Ultimate Field Guide – April 06-May 01, 2020 02:30PM-04:30PM Eastern (19:30-21:30 UTC) online (click to see in your own time zone)

SQL Server DBA’s Guide to Docker Containers – April 06-17, 2020 05:00PM-7:00PM Eastern (22:00-24:00 UTC) online (click to see in your own time zone)